I have not posted for quite a while. Some of you will know that my husband Brian passed away at the beginning of last year after struggling with cancer for four years. I lost my soul mate. At the same time both parents suffered with ill health and my father died the year before Brian. I have found it extremely difficult to get back to anything near normal, whatever normal is now. Friends and family have been fantastic but the feeling of loss is still unbearable. I am trying to get back into the swing of things and decided to post some of the poems I wrote the year or so before Brian died, when I knew he wasn’t going to make it. My two WordPress Blogs and the amazing WordPress community helped keep me going through the most difficult time in my life. Hopefully I will be able to write on a more cheerful note in the not too distant future. The first of these poems is called Sadness.
There is a tragic sadness that hangs in the air today,
oppressive, almost tangible, impossible to ignore it there,
if I could gather it in my arms, I would gladly throw it to the wind,
but it hovers in all it’s nakedness, emotions laid bare.
It climbs down my throat, a big lump that loiters,
the sadness creeps into my eyes making them moist,
I breathe it into my lungs making it difficult to breathe normally,
but I try to hide this agony that cannot be voiced.
I am grieving for what was and will never be again,
struggling with a knowledge of what the future has in store,
and I know there is no way out of this heart breaking dilemma,
but know it is a journey I am forced to endure.